"I'm Sorry."

WARNING: The following post may reduce you to jello. This is a 2 tissue post.

Coming up on the 1 year anniversary of Whale Song's release, I find I'm feeling retrospective. Sometimes it's good to look back over the year, analyze what went well...what didn't. We all have regrets and sometimes they hang over us, a dark cloud in an otherwise endlessly blue sky. I have a few. But for the most part, everything I've experienced--even the traumatic events in my life like the death of my son and the murder of my brother--has made me who I am as a person...and as a writer.

They say: write what you know. I've always agreed, to some extent, and I've done exactly that. There are also times to write what you don't know, in which case, having good research instincts comes in handy. In Whale Song, I wrote about broken relationships and death--two things I know maybe far too much about.

Although I am writing mainly fiction now, I wrote a lot of poetry and song lyrics as a teen. Last year, while getting ready for the release of Whale Song, I was so inspired by the story that I wrote a song. My daughter Jessica also plays guitar and sings and she performed the following song at the book launch for Whale Song last April.

Sarah Richardson, the main character, has always been a reflection of me--the bullied child I once was, the awkward teen I grew into, and the once bitter adult who harbored resentment towards her father. But Sarah's journey and experiences are her own, and in her darkest moment, when she realizes a truth that changes her life forever, she is devastated. This is Sarah's song to her father--her words, her thoughts...her regrets.

I'm Sorry

I can't believe so much time has passed,

That you'll be with me once again, at last,

Through all the pain my life has been,

I'm sorry for not trusting you,

For pushing you so far away,

For all you did,

I hated you.

I didn’t understand what you were doing,

I thought your actions selfish and confusing,

If only I had really known,

The truth of all that happened,

I’d realize far sooner

That you loved me,

Really loved me.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could take those hurtful words away, I would,

If I only knew,

What you'd put me through,

That it was for my own good.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would,

If you only knew,

I’d make the suffering mine,

But nothing can change time.

I realize you loved me more than ever,

A father’s love could never be more pure,

But, Daddy, I wish you’d stayed,

And never have gone away,

I needed my father,

I missed you,

I love you.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could take those hurtful words away, I would,

If I only knew,

What you'd put me through,

That it was for my own good.

I’m sorry,

So very sorry,

If I could turn back the hands of time, I would,

If you only knew,

What I’d do for you,

I’d tell you this,

I’m…sorry.

©2007 Cheryl Kaye Tardif

Read an excerpt from Whale Song.

Pick up a copy of Whale Song from Amazon or your favorite bookstore or library.

I hope you enjoyed this post. And thank you all for making Whale Song the success that it is.

~Cheryl Kaye Tardif

Fathers and daughters

Relationships need special, ongoing care, and often a bit of mending. The bonds between fathers and daughters are so important and often very shaky. I see this in my own life and I can see how not having a good relationship early on with my own father has affected my choices, thoughts and my life. But as with every relationship, there is always a chance of healing, and sometimes this comes many years down the road.

Before I wrote Whale Song, my relationship with my father had changed--evolved into something relaxing, accepting and loving. He had changed. And so had I. I watched him interact with my daughter Jessica from the time she was a baby and realized that he was making it up to me--through Jessica.

Later, when my parents divorced after 36 years of marriage, I was devastated. I blamed my father and returned to my old feelings for him. Divorce is never easy on children--even adult ones. It felt as though my life had almost been a lie, that everything I had known had changed into something unrecognizable. It affected my own marriage.

Ironically, it was at this time that I wrote Whale Song. As the story progressed, it became apparent that my character Sarah was going to have to deal with a tragic event in her life and that her father, who had always been her hero, would make some life-altering decisions.

Writing the last few chapters, I also realized that Sarah was finally ready to accept her father's decisions and forgive him. "Forgiveness sets you free." This strong message weighed heavily on my mind, and I decided that I had some forgiving to do of my own.

To date, I have received dozens of emails from readers who have shared how Whale Song has affected them. It has brought fathers and daughters closer together. It has mended broken spirits and relationships. It has brought mothers and daughters closer together as well. I had no idea that my novel--Sarah's story--would have the power to do such things.

I invite you to pick up a copy of Whale Song from your favorite bookstore or online retailer. If you know someone with a broken relationship, Whale Song makes a wonderful healing gift.

If my novel impacts your life and you'd like to share this with me, I would be honored. I won't reveal your story or information unless you give me permission to, but hearing how my book--any book--changed your thoughts or life keeps me focused on always delivering a story with emotion, depth and value.

In the end, writing Whale Song changed my life and my own relationship with my father. I may not always agree with his choices, but I love my father. And that's all that is really important.

Whale Song set me free.

~*~

• Read an excerpt of Whale Song.
• Order Whale Song.

~Cheryl Kaye Tardif, bestselling author

Blast From My Past: Scissor Trix & Stories

It's been a while since I wrote a Blast From My Past. So here's one that takes me back to the early '80's. Seems like centuries ago...

Something that most of my readers don't know is that I was once a hair stylist with my own salon. After high school, I moved to Vancouver, BC, and took a cosmetology course at Moler's School of Hairdressing. I'm not sure, but I don't think it is there any more. Back then, "cosmetology" consisted of mainly hair and some general aesthetics. My big dream was to become a stylist and makeup artist for the stars. Although I still dreamt of becoming a published author, I knew that I could actually make a living as a cosmetologist.

The course was about a year long, and then we were required to apprentice for one year before we could get our licence. And that's where I hit a brick wall. Back in the '80's, salons weren't looking for apprentices. They wanted fully qualified stylists WITH clientele.

So I moved around a bit, trying to complete my year. I went to Terrace, BC, then moved back home to the Queen Charlotte Islands. In Masset, the town my parents lived in, there were 2 salons at the time and one was on the military base. I was very fortunate to continue my apprenticeship with Linda, the owner of the salon.

I had about 2 months to go when I got some bad news. Linda and her husband were moving. The shop had to be sold and the chances of me continuing my apprenticeship with a new owner were slim. I had hit another brick wall.

But then Linda had an idea. I had completed my cosmetology course with flying colors and although I hadn't completed my 1 year apprenticeship, I had been working from my home for over 2 years. Hair styling is artistic and creative and right up my alley, and I was very good at it. Linda thought so too.

Because the salon was on military property, all potential owners had to go through a "competition". Licensed stylists were allowed to apply for the shop and had to prove they were the best person. Linda backed me 150%, but there was still something standing in my way. The apprenticeship.

Linda contacted the apprenticeship board and explained the situation, plus gave me a glowing recommendation. A few days later, a fellow from the board flew to the island to watch me work. I was a bit nervous at first, but then forgot he was there. I was in my element--creating. My apprenticeship term was written off as completed, and I received my license shortly afterward.

With Linda and my father (who was in the military) batting for me, I was in my glory when it was announced that I had 'won' the competition for the salon. I bought the equipment, supplies, said goodbye to Linda and embarked on my exciting journey. At about 21, I was the youngest salon owner in BC.

I renamed the salon Cheryl's Scissor Trix. The 'x' was a pair of scissors. :)

I have always said that I have written something at every job I have ever had. During my time as a salon owner, I told stories to the kids that came to get their hair cut. Even the most difficult ones would sit quiet as a mouse as I told them about Ty-Lor, the Knot Elfling, and how he was so tiny and would climb up their sheets at night and tie knots in their hair so that they'd learn to brush their hair each morning. I had created this fantasy world of Elflings--fairylike creatures with colorful glowing skin and hair. The girls had glowing wings.

Years later, I painted a series of illustrations and wrote the text for my first Elfling Kingdom book--The Elfling Princess. It remains unpublished at this time, but I did get some prototypes made (completely bound hardcover picture books) and took them to schools, libraries and daycares and read my story to the children. I even fashioned a Barbie doll after one of the characters. Shortly afterward, I wrote and illustrated a children's book called My Imaginary Friend. One day, I'll get these books published.

For now, I am very happy to be Cheryl Kaye Tardif, bestselling Canadian suspense author. ;-)

http://www.cherylktardif.com

http://www.whalesongbook.com

Frustrating flu, fantastic fans and flukes

I've been out of commission for the past week, due to a nasty flu bug. I believe I am on the upswing of recuperation, but I have to say, this was the nastiest flu I've had in my life. For more than 4 days I could barely get out of bed and my voice came and went. When it returned, I sounded like a "chain-smoking crack whore", or at least that's what I told my friends. :)

I spent 3 days watching the first 2 seasons of Dexter in between bouts of coughing and sneezing. Gotta love Dexter though. I felt better just watching all the trouble he got into.

Anyways, my apologies for not blogging sooner.

I am now catching up again on emails. Thank you to everyone who sent me fanmail about Whale Song this past week. I really enjoy hearing that my novel touched your life. I invite you to take a pic--you and Whale Song--and submit it to me for my Whale Song Fan Pics contest.

Also, don't forget to vote for Whale Song for Book Cover of the Year. Just click on the link below and type Whale Song in the body and send.

Vote For Whale Song!

And check out the new reviews of Whale Song at Amazon.

~Cheryl Kaye Tardif, bestselling author of Whale Song, The River and Divine Intervention

"Plunge into "The River" for a thrilling adventure! Get carried away by the flow of Tardif's magical prose!"

I'm sick today, suffering from an awful flu bug that my daughter Jessica decided to gift me with. :) I've been feeling like crap for 2 days--until I checked my email and found a message from an Amazon Top 1000 Reviewer. She wanted to let me know she had posted a review for The River, my 2005 techno-thriller.

As always, I held my breath and went to the page to check it out.

I think Betty used up every possible awesome adjective out there. And trying to quote a bit from it has proved challenging, but I'll share part of it with you. You can go to Amazon to read the entire review, which I must admit left me wanting to read The River again.

"...Author Cheryl Kaye Tardif hooked me from the first sentence. I couldn't wait to read it. Having already read and raved over her later release, Whale Song: A Novel, I knew I would like The River, but didn't think anything could come up to Whale.

How wrong I was! This book is outstanding, too, and I'm learning that all of this author's works are brilliant.

The superb writing in The River flowed along smoothly, as naturally as the Mississippi River; then as the story progressed it picked up speed and energy like the turbulent white-water of the Colorado...There are thrills aplenty in this novel...Author Cheryl Kaye Tardif is a true wordsmith, writing fluently while making it seem easy. Her plot is well-paced, with characters so believable the reader cares what happens to them, and above all, her imagination soars. This is a true high-concept story.

I invite you to plunge into this intriguing story ... head-first or feet-first, it doesn't matter. You're in for an absorbing adventure--with more twists and turns than the Nahanni River itself--and a surprising, yet satisfying ending that leaves you gasping for more."

--Reviewed by Amazon Top 1000 Reviewer Betty Dravis, 2008, Millennium Babe: The Prophecy

To read the entire review, please check it out on Amazon and don't forget to vote it as "helpful".

Order The River online.

What's your definition of having a bad day?

To a writer, a bad day might mean stumbling over a story plot, or backing your characters into a proverbial corner, or God forbid that dreaded 'writer's block'.

Everyone has their own definition of a bad day.

Check out this bad day video and then leave me a comment on what you think a bad day is.

~Cheryl Kaye Tardif,
author of Whale Song, The River and Divine Intervention

Reality TV: Survivor Apprentice

It's no secret that I'm a reality TV fan and tonight I dish the dirt on Survivor: Micronesia and The Celebrity Apprentice.

Spoiler alert! Don't click on the link below if you don't want to know what happened.

Read my Survivor Apprentice post on Film Clipz & TV Showz.

~Cheryl Kaye Tardif,
bestselling author and UNofficial reporter for Survivor: Micronesia and The Celebrity Apprentice