Have you ever been asked a question that makes you want to reply with something sarcastically witty and a bit funny? Well, I do. :-)
When I'm signing books at a bookstore, I am often asked questions that I don't expect. Below are some of these questions, followed by my thoughts of what I sometimes wish I could say. Keep in mind that at a signing, I am dressed professionally and standing behind a table with a banner on the front that reads: "Meet bestselling author Cheryl Kaye Tardif":
*Can you tell me where to find the book: Political Warfare and Toxicology...blah..blah
(because I so obviously look like not only a bookstore employee but an intellectual...hmmmm)
*Where's the washroom?
(go outside, walk about 5 blocks, then pick a house...)
*What are you selling here?
(my book...? I'll throw in a free bookmark.)
*Can you give me a discount on this cookbook?
(do you have an iRewards card? If so, I'll give you 10% off.)
*Where's the bus terminal?
(Hmmm...I'm inside a mall...my guess is...OUTSIDE...?)
*What's your name?
(uh, let me check that big sign in front of my table.)
*Will the author be coming in to sign books?
(yup, she'll be here all day)
*Your sign is crooked.
(Thank you. Do you want a free bookmark to go with the book you're going to buy off my table?)
*Can you watch my bag for a few minutes?
(got anything interesting in there? Chocolate maybe?)
*Does your book have....you know...lots of...sex...in it?
(Not Whale Song, but my other two have enough to heat things up. Why, did you want more sex?)
*So Divine Intervention is about psychic government agents. Are you psychic?
(I knew you were going to ask me that.)
Now don't get me wrong, I love meeting people, and I know they're just looking for someone to help them out. I actually don't mind, and I'm known by some bookstore staff to be the author who will show people where other books are, point out the way to a section, or pass out store fliers and sell iRewards memberships.
But it is funny when you look at it from my perspective and I can't help the thoughts that sometimes come into my mind. Mostly I just think them, but I did actually say some of them out loud, including the last one. :)
To read what my friend and fellow author Karen Harrington hears at her signings, please go HERE.
~Cheryl Kaye Tardif, bestselling author
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